I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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