Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
