A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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