Duck Duck Cougar?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
