puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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