she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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