If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
