The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
