She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think people are normalizing furries
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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