Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
