When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
