I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Drunk is not a location!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
