Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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