singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
