I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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