Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My vagina is very pro this idea
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
