this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
