What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
