Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
