Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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