If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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