Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
