Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
