An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
