Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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