If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My vagina is officially offended.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
