I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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