i jhust puked up my retainher.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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