Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
