You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
