no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
