hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
