i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im six kinds of drunk right now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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