Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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