please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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