Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
