he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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