You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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