I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
