Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
