I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
