You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So much Jack, so little girl.
So vagazzling was a success
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
