Can Purell be used as lube?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
