I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
