Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
