Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
