Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize