Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
