I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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