what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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