im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Randomize
