if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
