Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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