Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
