My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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