you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
