At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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