if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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