he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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