I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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