So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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