I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
