I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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