That's intense
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
