Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize