i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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