im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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