I wish my penis had an off switch
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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