you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
