8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
