you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
