She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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