Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I want is dick and wine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
