i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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