dude i'm inner monologue high
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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