There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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