I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize