Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
