I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
