Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
