she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
