No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize