I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
