One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
